"We shall always be finding new queer corners and things" -Mary, The Secret Garden
A few loose-leaf thoughts, for my loose-leaf sister who is ‘an ocean and a rock away.’
We will steep together someday. We will build a home like a nest and call ourselves missel thrush or chickadees calling. We will paint corners and patch mistakes with fabled fabrics, be eachothers teacups, and stir up a living of color. Ivory cream, but not distressed, we will decorate rooms like dreams and make pretend, because that is what we know—it is how we started.
It will be robin-egg blue and herb-garden green for breakfast, but later we will feast on orange sorbet afternoons and dusky purple evenings. You, kaleidoscope-minded and strong like our mother, and I, laced paper and snowdrop soft, will grow tall like treehouse summers.
I know a certain important someone who needs to be uprooted. I think this could be some sort of a temporary remedy.
A Cup of Sun playlist, with a worded guide:
((( http://8tracks.com/teacup/cup-of-sun )))
(Photo courtesy ampersans via Flickr Creative Commons)
· Asleep on a Train (Radical Face): You’re tired, nostalgia settles in & everything seems to be passing by, as if you’re a static passenger watching out the window of a quickly-moving train.
· Homesick (Radical Face): Yes, I know. The sounds of creaks & keys & subtle breezes make their way straight through you, as if you’re billowing linens on the line. It makes you homesick. It makes you ache for a handful of things at once.
· Sun, Sun, Sun (Lisa Mitchell): You feel as miniscule as a music-box ballerina and the rest of the world is an endless menagerie of crowds, busy people & a sense purpose that you just can’t reach. You just want to close the lid to your box & dance to your own familiar tune & drink a cup of tea for one.
· Don’t See the Sorrow (Au Revoir Simone): All of a sudden everyone around you appears to be grey & sodden, too. All you need is a familiar face that can give a smile that says “don’t worry too much. Let go of it, let the weight off—I’ve got you.”
· Worried Shoes (Karen O & The Kids): Anxiety sets in. Where am I? What am I doing? Where am I heading & what will be there when I arrive? But then you realize that, hey, the sun is shining right where you are & you only have to unlace yourself to feel it. So, take off your worried shoes. Life is going to keep on keeping on & you have a lot of walking to do.
· Ocean and a Rock (Lisa Hannigan): Now, I can’t be there right now (no matter how many times I close my eyes tightly and imagine the blue chair on your porch, the winds off the coast & cool evenings), but I am always as close as I can get. I will always move to the spot where I am closest to you, even when I’m a highway stretches & telephone wires away.
· Neapolitan Dreams (Lisa Mitchell): You know best, of all people I know, that when you cant be with the person who helps most, there are things you need to do for yourself. I know you’re whole-heartedly capable of sewing together your Neapolitan dreams, even if you need some patches & a box of mismatch buttons.
· The Lucky One (Au Revoir Simone): I know that feeling alone & thinking of togetherness is like wearing a blanket made of lead. But you know how to take in the joy all around you, so let the sun shine & know that tomorrow is eventual.
· Grow Till Tall (Jonsi): Ah, yes. There’s the sunshine. Isn’t it warm? It feels like the first time you walk outside after a long New England winter & truly feel the sun on your shoulders. If freckles could stretch…well, yours would. You feel like a cat, in the best of ways. You’re not a music box figurine anymore; you’re going to grow until you fit back into the frame you were built in.
· Cats and Dogs (The Head & The Heart): Now you need to clear the clutter. You know something great is about to happen, even though you don’t know where, when, or how and with who. But isn’t that the magic of it all?
· A Better Son/Daughter (Rilo Kiley): You know this story better than I, or anyone, could ever begin to try & tell it. You don’t need me to tell you to clear the floor, put the volume to max and just feel it (but, there, I just did). Your ship is coming in.
· Neighborhood #1 Tunnels (Arcade Fire): Oh, hey…I’m still here. Didn’t think I was going to walk away during all of this self-discovery, did you? We’ve done everything together since you decided you didn’t hate me & we could save mom the trip to the orphanage by keeping me around. This is us having each other’s back.
· Flowers For My Brain (Dear and The Headlights): This song may be a bit romantic, but we can ignore those bits…because it’s a pretty song & you’re a pretty sister. Let’s not take life too seriously. Let’s stop obsessing over finish lines. Let’s make up our own meanings.
· Tickle Me Pink (Johnny Flynn): Admit it, you’ve dusted yourself off a bit & opened a few windows. But, you’re still feeling a little naïve & unaware & static. That’s okay; it’s not going to just go away, is it? How about some happy thoughts of your friends & family. Now, go call mom. Or me. Or Nana & Grampy. Go gather your friends and picnic today—worry about tomorrow a little bit later.
· The One Who Loves You Most (Brett Dennen): Hey, that’s me (some others may fight me for this title, but I’ll just humor them). Come oooon, even if not every little thing works out, you’ve got that. Don’t worry, though. You’ve got this life&dreams thing in the bag. Everyone knows it. Since when are you anyone to take “no” for answer? I’ve certainly never seen it happen.
· Us (Regina Spektor): This is where you say, “Hey, there my sisterly teacup! Come join me in dream-building! They’ll build statues of us!”
· Happiness (Goldfrapp): This is where you belong, in this group. It’s lonely without you. Come back.
·It Doesn’t Have to Be Beautiful (Slow Club): I know you & your “now-life” are grinding gears, but just walk away, work on yourself & come back when you’re ready. You know nothing will ever be perfect, but it doesn’t always have to be beautiful. But isn’t it, though?